Festival season has started and you know what that means: sex in tents, sex in muddy fields and sex in public, while your favourite artists provide the perfect backdrop. Or at least, that’s what I imagine it to be like.
I’ve not had the pleasure of trying festival sex myself, since I’ve never actually been to an overnight festival. The closest I’ve gotten is a dirty make out session at last year’s South West Four festival in Clapham Common. As I was dancing in the packed tent, a beautiful man walked past, smiled and suddenly we were all over each other. It was true love.
Then again, his naked torso with its impressive six-pack, covered in neon body paint, probably had something to do with it. Thankfully, there’s no shortage of awkward and amazing festival sex stories. In case you haven’t done it yourself, you can enjoy the embarrassment of others, with six people sharing the good, the bad and the gross.
Olivia, 32, social media manager,
west Cornwall Every year, I go to the Masked Spring Ball, a non-stop dance festival held on top of a cliff in West Cornwall.
One particular year, a well-known DJ – who I unfortunately can’t name – got caught having sex underneath the stage of the grand ballroom.
What he hadn’t realised, was that they were in full view of the people in the front of the crowd. They’d been going at it for quite a while, in various positions, before they looked up to see the audience cheering them on. Red-faced and bare-arsed, they grabbed their clothes and ran.
Lola, 29, business owner, west London
My boyfriend and I had sex in the toilets at Glastonbury.
It was super muddy and we were absolutely smashed, but also very horny. We couldn’t be bothered to go back to our tent, so we just did it in the portable toilets. Once finished, we cleaned ourselves up with baby wipes. We’re classy that way.
Tom, 26, designer, Leeds
I was at a festival with all my lad mates from university. We’d been drunk for three days, hardly slept and most importantly, hadn’t showered since we arrived.
As a single guy, I’d hoped to have some fun at the festival, but the first two days hadn’t proven lucky for me.
On the last night, we met a group of girls from Newcastle, all of whom were single and in our drunken haze, looked pretty fit.
I got on particularly well with this girl called Becky. One thing led to another, and she ended up in my tent. After kissing for a bit, I decided to go down on her.
Let’s just say it was clear that she hadn’t showered since she got there either, putting me off that particular sex act for a good few years. Still got her off though.
Elena, 25, works in the media industry, east London When I was 17,
I went to Reading festival with my then boyfriend. I was a virgin, and before the festival, we’d been at home in bed and he’d tried to pop my cherry.
I said no, and told him I wanted it to be special. Fast forward a week and it’s the first night of the festival. We get very drunk, and end up in our tent.
As we’re making out, he suddenly pulls out a sling of condoms and says, ‘shall we?’ Drunk me decides it’s a fantastic idea. We have sex and I laugh the whole way through, because I can’t believe it’s happening.
To top it all off, my friends also heard me lose my V-card. Sound travels on festival grounds. Plus, I couldn’t walk properly the next day.